Ruth Stender

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It’s Not About You: How to Stop Taking Things Personally is a work in progress. The book is a hybrid, blending memoir and self-help. I have a full proposal and my manuscript is 60% complete.

In It’s Not About You, I share stories about how taking things personally has affected my life in negative ways and where I offer solutions to others who have similar tendencies. This is a universal problem.

It is in inevitable that you will take something personally. If you put yourself out there you will encounter difficult relationships and situations. These are important opportunities to notice when you are taking “it” (the other person’s behavior) personally. Finding the “it” (trigger) is part of what I tackle in the book.

We can’t control how someone treats us (or not), but we can control our reaction or response. My mantra is: It’s not ABOUT me. It’s all ON me.


My unpublished manuscript, Glowing Houses: A Memoir, won an award in the Pacific Northwest Writers Association Literary Contest in the nonfiction/memoir category. My manuscript is complete (~87,000 words). I have a full proposal that includes the following: table of contents; chapter-by-chapter outline; synopsis; competitive titles; marketing plan; bio; and three sample chapters.

Glowing Houses is a coming-of-age memoir about a girl who grew up on the outskirts of a small town in West Virginia. By age fourteen, in the summer of 1979 and less than a year after getting her period, she finds herself pregnant and married.

She leaves the holler and her family to live with her new husband’s family for what promises to be a better life, but a life that puts her face-to-face with The Outsiders, people her father say to avoid: church people, gays, blacks, white trash and snobs who use fancy words—but the very people who become her salvation.

She struggles with a never-ending internal conflict, a duality: she feels naturally very smart and capable, but her profound ignorance makes her feel stupid. Over time, she eventually has a shift in understanding. She learns that black people are not out to cut her throat, that church people, mostly, have good intentions, and that people who use fancy words are the ones to imitate. In the course of her journey, she learns the meaning of words like unorthodox and gullible, how to order food from a menu, and that ignorance and stupidity are not the same thing. Although ignorant, she is not stupid.

Glowing Houses is a nuanced, deeply felt memoir that both explores and explodes the stereotypes of the Appalachian hillbilly.

Some comments from the judges who critiqued my submission:

“The literary fiction crowd would love this book.”

February 25, 2016

“The prose style and phrasing are remarkable. This shows a lot of work—blood, sweat and tears.”

February 25, 2016

“I believed it, although at times it felt like fiction, maybe because of the drama and writing style.”

February 25, 2016

“Even though the story is in the distant past, you have given imagery and storytelling in a voice that is innocent and makes the reader really feel like we are 14 again and with you. This is a very difficult thing to do and I praise you for your effort thus far.”

February 25, 2016

“This is an amazing story. It shows a great deal of vulnerability, which is an important characteristic for grabbing the attention and holding it. This story is very eye-opening as well and original.”

February 25, 2016

“I really think this is an all American story. It is about heart and soul and the history of our country. It is a story rarely told and unknown by many.”

February 25, 2016

“You have used great economy of words and introduced the story well.”

February 25, 2016


bookcoverimage_magicThe Magic of Memoir is a memoirist’s companion for when the going gets tough. I am one of 38 writers who share hard-won wisdom, stories, and writing tips. Editors Linda Joy Myers and Brooke Warner have taught and coached hundreds of memoirists to the completion of their memoirs, and they know that the journey is fraught with belittling messages from both the inner critic and naysayers, voices that make it hard to stay on course with the writing and completion of a book.

Included are Myers’s and Warner’s interviews with best-selling and widely renown memoirists Mary Karr, Elizabeth Gilbert, Dr. Azar Nafisi, Dani Shapiro, Margo Jefferson, Raquel Cepeda, Jessica Valenti, Daisy Hernández, Mark Matousek, and Sue William Silverman. For a complete list of contributors as well as full bios go here.

This collection has something for anyone who’s on the journey or about to embark on it. If you’re looking for inspiration, The Magic of Memoir will be a valuable companion.


8Aspect-BookAwards-3The Eight Aspects of God: A Pathway to Bliss, a Finalist in the 2013 National Indie Excellence Book Awards is a treatise on spiritual living encapsulated into a short and easy-to-read volume. Each sentence is full of wisdom and practical information you can apply to your life today, right this second.

In the book, I explain how your energy is affected when you’re not living in alignment with the eight aspects introduced in this book. Any issue that shows up physically, mentally, or in relationship can be traced back to an energy center and ultimately a missing aspect in your life.

The Eight Aspects of God offers an authentic and effective strategy for intuitive self-healing while at the same time exploring a new course toward spiritual and personal development.

“True healing is removing the ignorance covering the splendor of our soul which is our True Self.” ~Yogiraj Siddhanath

"Originally conceived from a series of articles Ruthie Stender wrote for New Spirit Journal, this book is a generous offering to anyone looking to understand how our energy affects us in our day-to-day lives. The book contains practical tools for beginners, but more valuable, I think, is Ruthie’s compassion for her reader. She holds us as wise, strong, and vibrant beings, and helps us understand the ways in which we have control over the things that ail us. I love this book as a quick hit energy boost. It’s smart, to the point, and totally authentic."

~B. Warner February 24, 2016

"The Eight Aspects of God – I love this book. It’s a powerful book on self-healing and self-knowledge. A refreshing book full of knowledge of our Luminous body and written with love. Ruth’s description of our energy centers is very detailed and easy to understand. Written for anyone who would like to know more about Energy Medicine, and a true example of exploring our divine nature with the divine. A must have book for anyone exploring self-healing, spirituality and energy medicine."

~ A. Hidalgo February 24, 2016

"I have read many books on my search for information, and many of those books are now gathering dust on my bookshelf. The Eight Aspects of God is an easy to understand read, I could not put it down. I use it as a standard reference while working on my spiritual path. This book has joined my select few that I can go back to and simply find the information I need. THANK YOU!"

~ Amazon review February 24, 2016


My Books

  • It's Not About You: How to Stop Taking Things Personally by Taking Personal Responsibility (60% complete)
  • Glowing Houses: A Memoir (unpublished, ms. complete)
  • The Magic of Memoir
  • The Eight Aspects of God: A Pathway to Bliss

Recent Posts

  • Philosophy: An Antidote to Stupidity
  • Using the Breath to Build Resilience
  • A Prayer for Peace

What I’m Reading

What I’m Reading

Here's what's in my pile of books these days: Death: An Inside Story … more>

“I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance.” ~Socrates *** In my quest to overcome ignorance, I have found Socrates. Philosophy. I am currently reading from (more like studying) two books:   The Socratic Method: A Practitioner’s Handbook, by Ward Farnsworth. Philosophy 101 by Socrates: An Introduction to Philosophy via Plato’s Apology, by Peter […]

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